


a life in your shape

by fieryspacerock



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, no beta - we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25093816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fieryspacerock/pseuds/fieryspacerock
Summary: As the entire world tries to re-adjust to life during peacetime, Naruto finds himself looking to those around him for guidance.---Sasuke huffs out a noise that sounds suspiciously like a laugh. Naruto isn’t sure how long they sit in comfortable silence next to each other on the bed, but a small part of him is grateful for it. He feels like he’s been slowly, but dutifully, building a bridge to cross the divide between them over the past few months.For the first time, it feels like Sasuke is trying to meet him in the middle.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	a life in your shape

There’s a muscle in his shoulder that’s twitching, on the verge of seizing up. Naruto rolls his shoulders back, and winces at the immediate jolt that radiates down from his elbow to the tips of the arm’s fingers.

 _My arm. It’s my arm,_ Naruto reminds himself. After grueling procedures to re-connect his nerves and chakra pathways, bones and muscles, it functions. It responds to his thoughts, and it channels his chakra into hand seals. But the jagged demarcation between white skin and his own golden skin tone, right around his elbow, constantly reminds him that it’s not really his. So he keeps it wrapped in bandages, and ignores the random twinges he experiences throughout the day.

\---

 _(It’ll take time to adjust,_ Tsunade told him, after a particularly long procedure. Transplants were a finicky ordeal, even with the aid of the First Hokage’s regenerative cells.)

\---

Naruto thinks of the countless sessions of tedious physical therapy, of months spent sparring until the arm was too exhausted to move. He thinks of all the time that has passed, and wonders if his arm is ever really going to be the same again.

 _Probably not,_ Kurama supplies dryly, roused from his slumber by Naruto’s restless thoughts. 

Naruto lets out a defeated sigh, and absentmindedly massages the arm. _My arm. Fuck._

 _Go back to sleep. You won’t enjoy any of this,_ Naruto replies, as he reluctantly pulls a new book towards him. Kurama grumbles like always, but Naruto feels his presence settle down to the back of his mind.

He carefully opens the cover of the threadbare book. It’s stubbornly hanging on by a few threads at the binding, and Naruto wonders why someone hasn’t taken the time to repair it.

 _Because we’ve been at war for years, dumbass. Nobody has time to repair dusty old books,_ Naruto’s mind supplies. 

Most of the books on the stack in front of him were salvaged from the remains of the Konoha Archive Library and the Hokage’s private collection after the war. The archival shinobi had mournfully told Naruto of all the information they lost in the destruction. Priceless scrolls, entire books on secret techniques, first hand accounts of years gone by. All gone.

He flips to a fresh sheet in his worn notebook, clicks his pen, and starts to read.

The book isn’t particularly interesting. It’s a detailed overview of financial allocation in the village over the years. What the village had placed value on, and how they acquired the money to fund it.

 _War,_ Naruto starts to realize during his studies, _is a profitable empire._ Built on the backs of each village’s citizens, at the expense of society’s progress. There are hundreds of detailed accounts of payments made from the village to third parties for the manufacture of shinobi equipment. He traces these back, and finds that the money was pulled from social services, like funds for people displaced by the war. 

\---

(Unbidden, he thinks of stale cups of instant ramen and the smell of burnt styrofoam. Naruto remembers splinters from the stool he salvaged from the dumpster so he could reach the microwave with his pudgy little hands. He remembers the small pinpricks of chakra from the rats that inhabited the building. They dotted the building like tiny stars, and at night he would lay awake in bed and count them.)

\---

As an orphan from the Third Shinobi War, he had been lucky. He had it better than most growing up. The Hokage had provided what he could, just enough to help him survive and still avoid raising questions about Naruto’s parents.

But as he reviews the countless lines of money that went towards the war effort, he can’t help but feel angry. Angry, and weary. The Hokage could have done more. _Should_ have done more, for him and the other orphaned children of his generation. 

Naruto thinks of the single set of worn clothes he had as a child, still tucked away in his closet at home, and decides he’s going to do better than his predecessors. The records help him understand why the war had gone on for so long. It also gives him a sense of how much he’s going to have to dismantle before he can make any progress in the village. He jots down his thoughts for the future, and moves on to the next book.

As he’s pulling it from the stack, he realizes with surprise that the sun has gone down. _When did it become so late? How long have I been locked away in the archives?_

Naruto turns his head back to his work and his stiff neck complains at the movement. 

A voice behind him startles him out of his musings, and he’s on his feet with a kunai in his hand before his mind can catch up.

“You said you were grabbing drinks with the others tonight,” Sasuke says, completely unaffected by the kunai in Naruto’s hand.

Naruto sheepishly slides the weapon back into his leg pouch, and relaxes his stance. He had promised, hadn’t he? And he bailed on them last time, too.

Naruto winces, and tentatively asks, “How mad was Sakura?”

Sasuke pushes off from the bookcase he was leaning against, and shrugs. His expression is indifferent as he says, “Considering I managed to show up and you couldn’t even be bothered to text her that you wouldn’t be coming?”

Sasuke wanders over to Naruto’s desk and gives a half shrug. “Well. I’m sure you can imagine how she feels.”

Naruto lets out a heavy sigh, and scrubs a frustrated hand over his face. He’s able to imagine, alright.

He’s too distracted by his own thoughts to snatch his notebook back when Sasuke grabs it off the table. Naruto sees the quick flash of the Sharingan before Sasuke flips through the pages.

He knows Sasuke is absorbing every word with his Sharingan, and he knows there’s nothing he can do to get the notebook back. So Naruto waits, fidgeting awkwardly as Sasuke goes through each page. He feels like he’s back at the Academy again, waiting to receive another failing grade.

Sasuke’s face betrays nothing, not even when he finishes reading and sets the notebook back down on the table. Naruto can’t look him in the eye, so he stares down at the desk.

“Typically,” Sasuke begins, “Kages don't start working until they’re officially in office.” 

Naruto looks up, caught off guard by the nearly-imperceptible note of amusement in Sasuke’s voice. It feels like Sasuke is making fun of him, and under normal circumstances he would fire something back. He feels a flush rise from his neck to the tips of his ears, as he starts to pack his stuff up in a rush. This...the studying, writing out plans for the future--all of it is too fragile. Too new. He feels protective about it, and he’s not ready to be made fun of.

“I don’t want to make the same mistakes the past Hokages did. I don’t even know if I’m cut out for this,” Naruto says defensively. He shoves his notebook and pen into his bag. He hasn’t admitted the last part out loud to anybody yet.

At the root of it all, Naruto feels like an imposter trying to infiltrate the village’s highest tiers of government. He doesn’t feel qualified for the position. He can’t sit still in meetings. He doesn’t quite understand the nuances of political negotiations or the fake smiles Kakashi plasters on when things get heated during their summits. 

Naruto spends most of his days at Kakashi’s side with Shikamaru. Officially, Naruto is on rotation for the Hokage’s personal guard. Unofficially, he’s the next candidate for Hokage, and he’s learning everything he possibly can.

It still doesn’t feel like enough.

Kakashi told Naruto that he would ‘keep the seat warm’ until Naruto was ready. Naruto wonders if someone can ever truly be ready to wear a Kage hat, and handle the responsibility that comes with it. He finishes stuffing his studying supplies into his bag, and shoulders it. 

Sasuke is still standing there, his expression thoughtful. “Naruto,” Sasuke begins, even as Naruto is walking away, towards the door, “you’re more cut out for this than anybody in this village. Don’t ever doubt that.”

The praise is surprising, coming from Sasuke. It stops Naruto in his tracks, just long enough for Sasuke to catch up to him. He opens his mouth, and when the words don’t immediately come he closes it and gives Sasuke a nod of acknowledgement. 

“Thanks. I think I needed to hear that,” Naruto says quietly. He rubs the back of his head awkwardly, then jerks it towards the door. “Come on. You’re on my way, I’ll walk you home.”

Sasuke makes a face at the word ‘home’, but follows Naruto through the winding hallways and out into the night. Sasuke’s assigned ANBU guard is waiting for them, perched motionlessly on top of one of the nearby buildings. Naruto gives the dark figure a cheerful wave, and Sasuke smacks his hand down.

“What?” Naruto says with mock-innocence, and cocks his head to the side. The arrangement has been in place long enough that he feels like he can tease Sasuke about it, but only a little.

Sasuke’s expression is more embarrassed than anything, and Naruto watches as his friend reigns in his emotions. Naruto half expects him to stalk off ahead, but he is pleasantly surprised when Sasuke puts his feelings into actual words. “They’re doing their job. You’re not supposed to acknowledge them.”

Naruto shrugs, and starts off in the direction of Sasuke’s house. It’s a small town home, part of the newer block of buildings erected after the war. ‘Monitored transitional housing’ had been marked down as it’s official description on Sasuke’s transfer paperwork from solitary. Sasuke had scathingly referred to it in passing as his ‘fancy prison’.

Despite Sasuke’s grumblings, Naruto knew he was grateful. If it hadn’t been for Naruto’s persistence, Sasuke would still be in solitary confinement with his chakra sealed for the next six months. Naruto had worked with Kakashi and Shikamaru to convince the Fire Daimyo to come to a compromise that was more in Sasuke’s favor.  
  
Sasuke has one ANBU guard assigned to him, who follows Sasuke everywhere he goes. It wasn’t ideal, but that had been one of the Fire Daimyo's conditions for authorizing the transfer and the unsealing of his chakra.

As they get within a few blocks of the town home, Naruto feels the flare of three ANBU guards’ chakra signatures, half hidden in the shadows. He frowns and quickens his pace, subtly putting himself between the home and Sasuke. It’s another minute before Sasuke tenses behind him.

Naruto feels the low growl of Kurama’s chakra as he flares to the forefront of Naruto’s mind. Distantly, Naruto knows his body is overreacting. 

\---

 _(PTSD is a common thread that most Shinobi share,_ an older Yamanaka woman said during his first evaluation after the war. Naruto shrugged it off then.

 _Now,_ he thinks, _maybe I should have listened._ )

\---

The extra ANBU guards could be here for anything. But Naruto’s first thought is, _They’re here to take Sasuke away_ , and his second thought is, _Let them fucking try._

It’s Sasuke’s warm hand on his shoulder that pulls Naruto out of the sudden wave of emotion. “It's Yamato-taicho’s ANBU guard, and the other two are Kakashi’s guards,” Sasuke points out, low enough for only Naruto to hear.

Sasuke’s hand stays on Naruto’s shoulder until the tension has totally bled away from his body. Side by side, they walk up the front path and steps to the door. Naruto wonders why Kakashi is there--wonders why he didn’t shoot either of them a message on their digital comms ahead of time. 

As Sasuke pulls his keys out, Naruto notices that the shrubs out front have withered, their leaves littering the ground. Sasuke opens the door, and politely lets Naruto in first. He toes off his sandals in the entryway, and rounds the corner to find the final condition of Sasuke’s release. 

A roommate.

After his involuntary role in the war, Yamato is under supervision as well. Placing them in the same housing made sense financially, and it lowered the cost of the ANBU guards.

Yamato was a formidable man before the war. His wide, grounded stance, his straight posture, the decisive way he formed his hand-signs--all of it conveyed a quiet sort of strength, the kind that was tightly controlled. He was in possession of one of the most powerful and prized jutsus, but he never flaunted it. Naruto always thought of Yamato being firmly rooted in place, and that had been his role on their team. He grounded them. 

Yamato is sitting in an oversized armchair, facing the doorway. He’s in his under-layer of Jounin blues, a simple, high necked shirt and loose-fitting pants. Any trace of the man he was before the war has been stripped away. The worst part is Yamato’s tired, distant gaze. His unresponsiveness. The way he looks at Naruto each time he visits, as though he’s staring straight through. As though Naruto isn’t even there.

It reminds Naruto of Sai, back in their early days as a team. It sets him on edge, and his instinct is to _fix it,_ but he doesn’t know where to even begin. None of them do.

\---

 _(He’s in a long, dark tunnel,_ Ino told them in private, after examining Yamato before he had regained consciousness. Naruto remembers the way that Kakashi had turned to the side then, hiding his expression from them. _Then it’s our job to be the light that guides him out,_ Sakura said stubbornly, her gaze defiant.) 

\---

There are good days, where Yamato will make an attempt at pleasant small talk with his visitors. And there are bad days. Judging by the row of dead houseplants on the counter, today is one of the bad ones. Suddenly, the dead shrubbery out front clicks into place.

Yamato has fixed his intense stare on the window to his right, steadfastly ignoring Kakashi in front of him. Kakashi is in a chair facing Yamato, his back to the doorway. He’s hunched over, and Naruto can see Kakashi holding Yamato’s hands between his own. 

And...there it is. Yamato’s expression. It’s a shade of the man he once was, but it’s _there_. Naruto picks it out in the steely glint in Yamato’s gaze, and the stubborn set of his mouth. The way he has his shoulders squared against Kakashi’s words.

Kakashi’s low, desperate tone reaches Naruto's ears. There’s an undercurrent of urgency in his voice, but Naruto can tell that Yamato is absolutely _done_ with whatever Kakashi’s saying. Naruto feels something seize in his chest at the sight. It’s a mixture of pain, and guilt. _Maybe if I had been better, been quicker, stronger--I could have spared Yamato-taichou this pain._

As his mind processes what he’s just stumbled upon, he’s struck by the...closeness? No, that’s not the right word.

 _Intimacy,_ Kurama supplies, and Naruto can feel the fox rolling his eyes. 

Intimacy. Naruto tries that out as he takes in the scene before him, and finds that it fits. It makes his stomach squirm uncomfortably, and his face quickly grows hot. It’s not like they’re doing anything untoward, but his gut tells him that this isn’t meant for his eyes. He’s just intruded on something private, and he’s not quite sure how to back out. He’s dimly aware of Sasuke’s presence beside him in the doorway.

Naruto sees the back of Kakashi’s shoulders stiffen, and watches Kakashi’s hand hastily go to his face. It’s a practiced motion that he’s seen Kakashi do thousands of times over the years. He knows Kakashi is tugging his mask up and over his chin, firmly putting a barrier between himself and the world, before twisting in the chair to see them. Naruto feels like a rabbit caught in a trap, and he’ll be damned if he’s going to speak first. 

Judging by Kakashi’s slightly too-wide eyes, he hadn’t expected them either. “I should be going,” Kakashi says after an awkward beat, though he seems reluctant to move.

To Naruto’s surprise, Sasuke waves his hand in a dismissive motion. “Don’t leave on our account. We’ll be upstairs. I--uh,” Sasuke falters, and clears his throat. “I salvaged some books from the Uchiha compound that I wanted Naruto to see.” The words come out awkward and stilted, and it's painfully obvious that he's lying.

"Anyway. Bye." Sasuke’s grip is like a sudden vice on Naruto’s wrist, and he’s abruptly yanked to the right and up the stairs. The iron fingers don’t relent until they’re standing in the middle of Sasuke’s bedroom, with the door securely closed behind them.

Neither of them says anything for a moment, and Naruto uses it to look around the room. It’s sparsely decorated, and feels very utilitarian. Nearly every object serves some sort of purpose. 

Sasuke seems to deflate then, and sits on the edge of the bed. “I panicked,” he admits, looking vaguely nauseous at the mere thought of how badly he had fumbled the situation.

The frank admission startles a genuine laugh out of Naruto, and he crosses the room to sit next to Sasuke on the bed. He bumps his shoulder against Sasuke’s, and says, “It wasn’t...the worst, as far as excuses go.”

Naruto grins, and teases, “But it was pretty terrible.” 

Sasuke huffs out a noise that sounds suspiciously like a laugh. Naruto isn’t sure how long they sit in comfortable silence next to each other on the bed, but a small part of him is grateful for it. He feels like he’s been slowly, but dutifully, building a bridge to cross the divide between them over the past few months.

For the first time, it feels like Sasuke is trying to meet him in the middle.

“So,” Naruto starts casually, his eyebrows raised, “where are those books?”

Sasuke’s expression borders on murderous at Naruto’s words. Sasuke punches him in the shoulder, hard, and all Naruto can do is throw his head back and laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> had an idea I couldn't shake so here we go. no idea where this is going. fic and chapter titles are from 'look at you strawberry blonde' by Mitski.


End file.
